Final Reflections

Though it’s only been the first day back at home, I look through my Facebook newsfeed and find a plethora of reflections, thoughts, and emotional words from all my beloved NYO-USA friends. It takes everything not to cry again while reading them, though my eyelids continue to remain puffy.
 

There is still so much left to say and do with these amazing people. I want to tell all my NYO-USA peers and staff members how much I appreciate them; I want to share with the world how memorable and inspirational this entire program has been. But it’s difficult to find the right words.

For a long time, I have felt this huge responsibility to let everyone know how important classical music programs like NYO-USA are for society as a whole. When we were together, we became invincible in our pursuit to spread music to the world. But while I sat alone in the airport yesterday, it was painful and hard not to experience a certain emptiness – I had all these emotions and memories bottled up inside me that no one around me could empathize with at the moment.

Me and my cello, once again.

But I’ve learned that even though we are far apart, we are still so interconnected in our feelings, our goals, and our ambitions. Just seeing everyone pouring their thoughts out on Facebook solidified that. Here are some of the voices of post-NYO:

Josephine Stockwell: If I were to choose one word for NYO, I might choose diverse--diverse inspirations, diverse connections, diverse exposures, diverse learning, diverse changes, diverse places, diverse food, diverse surprises, diverse opportunities: diversely rich.

Soyeong Park: It's impossible to write here all of the individual thank-yous I would like to, but foremost in my mind are the precious, precious friends that have shaped and adorned the past four weeks and taught me so many things about life and friendship and music making.

Martine Thomas: NYO, my heart is full. I have held your hands, and I have been taken to my Somewhere. Thank you.

Although my words (and pictures!) will still never get the entire job done, I want to say that everyone involved with NYO has become a part of me that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Special thank-yous go to Maestro Robertson, Gil Shaham, Sam Adams, Maestro Ross, and Mark Kosower for being some of the greatest role models and teachers ever. I want to thank all the Carnegie Hall staff and RAs for making this program the best it could ever be. Thank you to my family, friends, and music teachers that have brought me here to be the person I am today. And thank you to all my NYO-USA peers for shaping my experience in so many positive ways. I love you all so much.

Finally, thank you for reading my blog, for letting my thoughts and experiences become a part of your lives. Ultimately, the reason any of us do anything that we do is to spread joy to others, and I hope my blog has been fulfilling its purpose to the very end.   

Day 30 - 32: Los Angelos, Disney Hall, and an Explosion of Emotion

Los Angelos is a mix of everything - a home to many, a familiar sight to some, but an entirely foreign place to most. Upon arriving in Los Angelos, we enjoyed a swim in the pool, delicious food from Japantown and Koreatown, and independent sightseeing of the area consisting of Walt Disney Hall and The Colburn School of Music.

Enjoying boba in Japantown!

But right before our final concert, it was hard not to be a little depressed. We would be playing the music for the last time together as a group, and as much as we all wanted to make it the best performance ever, we couldn't stop feeling bittersweet about the end of the program. Throughout the performance, I looked around and saw teary faces everywhere. My own eyes welled up with tears during Leah Meyer's beautiful horn solo in West Side Story. Soyeong was, once again, completely overwhelm with emotion by the end of the concert.

Soyeong Crying Part 2

 The final day of NYO-USA started bright and early at the Hollywood Bowl, where we watched a rehearsal of the LA philharmonic, and later, played with some members of the LAphil and members of youth orchestras in the area. Knowing that it was our last day, however, a great deal of us passed around journals for others to write little notes and train letters in.

Our farewell party took place in a beautiful Japanese venue with a magnificent view of LA. We stood around, laughing, taking pictures, sharing stories - for the last time. It was a bittersweet moment, listening to Doug Beck, Clive Gillinson, and Sarah Johnson give their speeches of thanks and reflection in the final moments of the party. 

Day 29: Concert in Sonoma and Tears

Sonoma State University is home to the beautiful Weill Hall, where we performed in tonight. Though similar in appearance to Tanglewood's Ozawa Hall, the sound was much more crisper and bright.

Even though this wasn't our last concert, the emotions were already so overwhelming. During the Great Gates of Kiev, memories of the time we spent together flashed before my eyes, lighting them up but leaving them blurry with tears.

These 120 musicians have become my family - we've eaten all our meals together, we've sat through long bus rides together, and we've rehearsed for many hours together. We've spent every second with one another, whether we like it or not. We've shared many moments of laughter, tears, and intense musical concentration. So by the time we finished the stirring last chords of Great Gates, I look over with blurry tears and see Soyeong sobbing. She was completely overwhelm with emotion. Alexi leaned over to give her a hug, and I could see all the other members of the orchestra wanting to do the same.

After the concert, even a kind audience member went up to Soyeong and offered her a tissue!

Seeing all my friends together on stage melts my heart. During concerts, I glance back and see my friends Tyler and Karen, all the way back in the percussion section, standing tall and proud during applause. I see my dear bassoonist friends Cooper and Reuben wiggling their eyebrows in a dance during a quick switch between pieces. I look at my wonderful cello section nodding and smiling happily after a job well done in the first half. And as a result, my eyes always blur with tears of happiness.

Now that our final concert is imminent, all I can wonder is: how can we possibly get through Disney Hall without flooding the stage with tears?

Day 27+28: Resting in San Francisco

On tour, it's always a good idea to take some time for rest and rejuvenation. Normally, NYO-USA would always get a day off after every concert, but very recently we were given two days off in foggy San Francisco.

It was a little hilarious seeing everyone all dressed up in shorts and t-shirts while coming off the plane only to find that the San Francisco weather was not representative of the typical Southern California heat at all:

Watching a native San Franciscan walking by

San Francisco was a lovely city, however, and it was apparent that the music scene here was big. Although our concert wouldn't be in San Francisco (but instead, Sonoma State University), it was nice to walk around and explore.

Sonoma State University's Weill Hall is modeled after Tanglewood's Ozawa Hall. We went to Sonoma for a dinner party hosted by the Weill family, and it was hard not to feel nostalgic for the concert we had at Tanglewood. All of us began to tear up just a little when the NYO-USA staff put a slideshow up consisting of all the photos that Chris Lee took of us on tour. Though this wasn't our farewell party, we all felt a little bittersweet that the end was approaching.