Final Reflections

Though it’s only been the first day back at home, I look through my Facebook newsfeed and find a plethora of reflections, thoughts, and emotional words from all my beloved NYO-USA friends. It takes everything not to cry again while reading them, though my eyelids continue to remain puffy.
 

There is still so much left to say and do with these amazing people. I want to tell all my NYO-USA peers and staff members how much I appreciate them; I want to share with the world how memorable and inspirational this entire program has been. But it’s difficult to find the right words.

For a long time, I have felt this huge responsibility to let everyone know how important classical music programs like NYO-USA are for society as a whole. When we were together, we became invincible in our pursuit to spread music to the world. But while I sat alone in the airport yesterday, it was painful and hard not to experience a certain emptiness – I had all these emotions and memories bottled up inside me that no one around me could empathize with at the moment.

Me and my cello, once again.

But I’ve learned that even though we are far apart, we are still so interconnected in our feelings, our goals, and our ambitions. Just seeing everyone pouring their thoughts out on Facebook solidified that. Here are some of the voices of post-NYO:

Josephine Stockwell: If I were to choose one word for NYO, I might choose diverse--diverse inspirations, diverse connections, diverse exposures, diverse learning, diverse changes, diverse places, diverse food, diverse surprises, diverse opportunities: diversely rich.

Soyeong Park: It's impossible to write here all of the individual thank-yous I would like to, but foremost in my mind are the precious, precious friends that have shaped and adorned the past four weeks and taught me so many things about life and friendship and music making.

Martine Thomas: NYO, my heart is full. I have held your hands, and I have been taken to my Somewhere. Thank you.

Although my words (and pictures!) will still never get the entire job done, I want to say that everyone involved with NYO has become a part of me that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Special thank-yous go to Maestro Robertson, Gil Shaham, Sam Adams, Maestro Ross, and Mark Kosower for being some of the greatest role models and teachers ever. I want to thank all the Carnegie Hall staff and RAs for making this program the best it could ever be. Thank you to my family, friends, and music teachers that have brought me here to be the person I am today. And thank you to all my NYO-USA peers for shaping my experience in so many positive ways. I love you all so much.

Finally, thank you for reading my blog, for letting my thoughts and experiences become a part of your lives. Ultimately, the reason any of us do anything that we do is to spread joy to others, and I hope my blog has been fulfilling its purpose to the very end.   

Day 30 - 32: Los Angelos, Disney Hall, and an Explosion of Emotion

Los Angelos is a mix of everything - a home to many, a familiar sight to some, but an entirely foreign place to most. Upon arriving in Los Angelos, we enjoyed a swim in the pool, delicious food from Japantown and Koreatown, and independent sightseeing of the area consisting of Walt Disney Hall and The Colburn School of Music.

Enjoying boba in Japantown!

But right before our final concert, it was hard not to be a little depressed. We would be playing the music for the last time together as a group, and as much as we all wanted to make it the best performance ever, we couldn't stop feeling bittersweet about the end of the program. Throughout the performance, I looked around and saw teary faces everywhere. My own eyes welled up with tears during Leah Meyer's beautiful horn solo in West Side Story. Soyeong was, once again, completely overwhelm with emotion by the end of the concert.

Soyeong Crying Part 2

 The final day of NYO-USA started bright and early at the Hollywood Bowl, where we watched a rehearsal of the LA philharmonic, and later, played with some members of the LAphil and members of youth orchestras in the area. Knowing that it was our last day, however, a great deal of us passed around journals for others to write little notes and train letters in.

Our farewell party took place in a beautiful Japanese venue with a magnificent view of LA. We stood around, laughing, taking pictures, sharing stories - for the last time. It was a bittersweet moment, listening to Doug Beck, Clive Gillinson, and Sarah Johnson give their speeches of thanks and reflection in the final moments of the party. 

Day 29: Concert in Sonoma and Tears

Sonoma State University is home to the beautiful Weill Hall, where we performed in tonight. Though similar in appearance to Tanglewood's Ozawa Hall, the sound was much more crisper and bright.

Even though this wasn't our last concert, the emotions were already so overwhelming. During the Great Gates of Kiev, memories of the time we spent together flashed before my eyes, lighting them up but leaving them blurry with tears.

These 120 musicians have become my family - we've eaten all our meals together, we've sat through long bus rides together, and we've rehearsed for many hours together. We've spent every second with one another, whether we like it or not. We've shared many moments of laughter, tears, and intense musical concentration. So by the time we finished the stirring last chords of Great Gates, I look over with blurry tears and see Soyeong sobbing. She was completely overwhelm with emotion. Alexi leaned over to give her a hug, and I could see all the other members of the orchestra wanting to do the same.

After the concert, even a kind audience member went up to Soyeong and offered her a tissue!

Seeing all my friends together on stage melts my heart. During concerts, I glance back and see my friends Tyler and Karen, all the way back in the percussion section, standing tall and proud during applause. I see my dear bassoonist friends Cooper and Reuben wiggling their eyebrows in a dance during a quick switch between pieces. I look at my wonderful cello section nodding and smiling happily after a job well done in the first half. And as a result, my eyes always blur with tears of happiness.

Now that our final concert is imminent, all I can wonder is: how can we possibly get through Disney Hall without flooding the stage with tears?

Day 27+28: Resting in San Francisco

On tour, it's always a good idea to take some time for rest and rejuvenation. Normally, NYO-USA would always get a day off after every concert, but very recently we were given two days off in foggy San Francisco.

It was a little hilarious seeing everyone all dressed up in shorts and t-shirts while coming off the plane only to find that the San Francisco weather was not representative of the typical Southern California heat at all:

Watching a native San Franciscan walking by

San Francisco was a lovely city, however, and it was apparent that the music scene here was big. Although our concert wouldn't be in San Francisco (but instead, Sonoma State University), it was nice to walk around and explore.

Sonoma State University's Weill Hall is modeled after Tanglewood's Ozawa Hall. We went to Sonoma for a dinner party hosted by the Weill family, and it was hard not to feel nostalgic for the concert we had at Tanglewood. All of us began to tear up just a little when the NYO-USA staff put a slideshow up consisting of all the photos that Chris Lee took of us on tour. Though this wasn't our farewell party, we all felt a little bittersweet that the end was approaching.

Day 25 + 26: Beautiful Jackson Hole in Wyoming

Jackson Hole is a place for artistic inspiration: the winding mountain roads, gorgeous scenery, and sparkling stars at night were so rejuvenating. Perhaps the beauty and serenity of the nature around us enabled us to give such a great performance tonight!

During the drive to Jackson Hole from the airport in Idaho, Martine (a violist and great friend of mine) and I listened to soundtracks from Miyazaki films such as Spirited Away while enjoying the view of the Snake River, the green mountains, and grassy fields.

The Sixth Stop of the Spirited Away Soundtrack fits perfectly with the view: You can just imagine yourself paddling calmly in a kayak on a beautiful river of a valley.

The town of Jackson Hole is extremely eclectic in its quaint and cozy way. A little art gallery filled with landscape paintings sits across from a crowded Starbucks. Tourists pose under a gate made up of moose antlers. The famous Million Dollar Cowboy Bar is, as always, crowded with people.

In addition, all 120 of us went on a hike in the morning to a National Park. We walked along several cozy beaches, gaped at roaring waterfalls and rapids, and jogged across rocky terrain while gazing at the great alpines.

Rock Skipping at a Beach

All of us felt so great after the concert today! Though small, the concert hall had great acoustics, and our music filled up the room with a soaring spirit that touched not only the hearts of audience members but also our own.

We will miss Wyoming! But next stop: California!

Day 23 + 24: What To Do in Chicago

In case you plan to vacation sometime in Windy City, here is a general breakdown of what NYO-USA has been doing in Chicago!

We went on a First Lady Architectural Boat Tour along the River and admired many wonderful skyscrapers:

It's always a little tough for the person sitting in the back to really pay full attention to the tour guide.

We had some time for individual exploration:

Overheard from right across our hotel.

We played a Millennium Park Concert:

Millennium Park is so beautiful during the day and night!

And we ate food, food, and more food:

Our meals have included Thai Food, Flat Top Grill, Deep-Dish Pizza, and more

Day 21 + 22: Boone, NC

How does NYO-USA travel? For the past few weeks, we traveled in buses, buses, and more buses. Day 21, however, was our very first airplane flight - from Albany, NY to Boone, NC. Even after we landed in North Carolina, however, we still had to take a 2 hour bus ride to get to Boone.

With a large expanse of free time ahead, we initially thought that there would be nothing to do in such a little town. But we soon found that to be wrong.

First, we went on a hike around the place we were staying at:

There were a lot of nice little trails.

Then we went and shopped at a thrift store for over an hour:

Some of our finds: Soyeong got a red flower dress, Oliver got green lobster shorts, and I got a blue polka-dot dress. Each one was under ten dollars!

The next day, all of us went on the bus again and took a 2 hour drive over to Lansing, NC, for a Blueberry Festival! The pastoral landscapes we passed by were so beautiful and peaceful. When we got to the festival, they had live Appalachian music from Grammy Award winning banjo players, freshly baked pizza, acrylic painting, and fields and fields of ripe delicious blueberries.

Soyeong loves her blueberries - she brought a giant bag back with her!

Overall, the concert went well and the audience seemed to like it! NYO-USA had a great time in Boone.

Day 20: Tanglewood Concert, Ben Zander, and Yo-Yo Ma?!?!?

I was wrong when I thought the hype of our Carnegie concert two days ago would be the greatest. It all happened right when I stepped into the hall for our concert and saw the back wall open up to a green lawn packed with people. I had just began to settle into my seat, warming-up, when my fellow cellists came rushing on stage exclaiming in excited voices: "Yo-Yo Ma is backstage! He's backstage!"

My Reaction

And sure enough, there he was, walking back into the concert hall and settling himself down in a seat. I was so excited and I hoped that he would come back during intermission so I could meet him!

The first half of the concert went well. Bihn Park, a fellow cellist, gave a wonderful speech introducing the Britten Violin Concerto. The acoustics of Ozawa Hall were spectacular, and even though the hall wasn't as resonant with all the people inside (compared to during our dress rehearsal), I could still hear Gil Shaham crystal clear during all movements of the Britten.

During intermission, sure enough, Yo-Yo Ma was there with his smiling face and friendly demeanor. Out of all the excitement, NYO musicians literally mobbed him in the hallways. I was a little late getting off stage, so I could barely see him by the time I got backstage. It was overwhelming, and I didn't want to push through the crowd. Instead, I loitered around on the outskirts of the pack, catching an occasional glimpse of him laughing. Oh how I wished I could be on the inside!

I really wanted to introduce myself.

But then something amazing happened: I met Maestro Benjamin Zander, the current director of BYPO (Boston Youth Philharmonic Orchestra). His openness and friendliness immediately touched me. He knew I was attending the Harvard/NEC joint program next year, and he wanted to let me know about attending BYPO for the next year. Never had I been as excited for college as I was then.

All of a sudden, I heard a call for a cello section picture with Yo-Yo Ma. Now I had an excuse to wheedle through the crowd. But even after Chris Lee took our photo, everyone started speaking at once - until Maestro Zander came along and gave Yo-Yo Ma a giant hug. He explained that Yo-Yo Ma had played a concerto as a freshman at Harvard under his direction. Then the best thing happened: Maestro Zander introduced me personally to Yo-Yo Ma! Even though Yo-Yo Ma had to leave to get back in the audience right away, I got to shake his hand and introduce myself as a to-be Boston dweller!

Whee!

Day 19: Tanglewood and Rain

Today was our travel day to Tanglewood! The original plan was to get to our hotel and then attend a concert at the Tanglewood festival. Everything went relatively smoothly until dinner at a cafe in Tanglewood, when it began to rain. Hard.

There were constant flashes of lightning and roaring claps of thunder, but when we were all sitting together eating our dinners at the tables (where only a roof protected us from the outer forces), it was very funny to watch each other's reactions. In mad rushes for the bathrooms, people took off their shoes and sloshed their way through the pouring rain, dodging puddles, only to return completely soaked head to toe. Some of us went and grabbed unused trash bags, and we punched holes in the plastic for our faces. Since the supply of trash bags was extremely low, we figured we could fit three people to a bag. It didn't work.

It works...in theory.

The thunderstorm continued so long that we couldn't go to the concert in the end, due to safety precautions. The doors to the concert had closed anyway, until intermission. As a result, when the rain died down, the NYO-USA staff led us all back to the buses.

But a lot of us didn't mind that we missed the concert. We had a day full of restful sleeping on the bus, laughter, and heartwarming friendships. It was a good day.

Day 18: Carnegie Debut

What a busy day!

This Carnegie Hall concert may have been the most important concert on our tour! I was particularly involved on a more individual level with this concert – my friend Leah Meyer, a horn player, and I gave concert remarks for the first and second halves of the concert, respectively. We each had prepared speeches on whatever we wanted to share with the audience – Leah’s speech provided a beautiful insight into our lives as teenage musicians seeking to create a special “Somewhere” for us. I spoke about using music and imagination to travel to different places, particularly in Samuel Adam's piece Radial Play.

The nerves were apparent backstage but thankfully not on-stage.

The audience was such a supportive group of people, and they all cheered and clapped for me, even though I had only just introduced my name!

After the concert, a few of us enjoyed a nice little reception, and then we all filed outside to congratulate each other and hug family members. It was such a wonderful day.

The Carnegie Hall concert will most likely have a webcast available online soon! I will let you know more about it later. But in the meantime, The New York Times wrote a review of our concert! It can be found here.

Day 17: Dinner Cruise

I felt that the dinner cruise deserves a different post, just because it was such a contrast from what we were doing earlier in the day (see Day 17: Community Outreach). But this dinner cruise was well-deserved, and all of us were so pumped to enjoy the view of Manhattan, eat good food, and best of all, dance the night away.

We had a dinner cruise last year at NYO-USA as well, but the cruise this year was even more fun. The dancing began almost right away, and the music played was so much better. Dancing with one another is such a great bonding exercise, and I could tell that a lot of people were getting to know each other better just through the hilarious dancing.

Tomorrow is our Carnegie Hall Concert! Tune in to WQXR to hear us live on the radio at 8 pm EST tomorrow! Or listen online on the Carnegie Hall Live Broadcast Website.

Day 17: Community Outreach

All 120 of us NYO members went to Carnegie Hall today to interact with many kids from different homeless shelters and programs in the New York area such as Gloria's House, Help I, and Willow Residence. We performed for them, with several kids sitting directly on stage with us, and then we spent twenty-five minutes interacting with a kid one-on-one, letting them try out our instruments, asking questions, etc.

During our first two pieces, a little boy by the name of Antoine was sitting right between the second violinists and violists. I had introduced myself to him earlier with a handshake, but I noticed that he was, in general, very quiet and looking somewhat disinterested. When I waved to him with a smile, he stared back at me blankly. He was not impressed.

I could see that the musicians around him were having a hard time getting him engaged.

And well, I thought: Challenge Accepted. When it came time for us to find a partner for the twenty-five minute interaction, I went to Antoine and asked him if he wanted to work with me. He didn't say a word. But after a few more questions, he finally started sharing some information. For one, he liked "America the Beautiful" the best out of all the pieces we played, and he was singing along to it "in his head". Finally, he told me "IT'S TOO LOUD!" So we went off the stage and into the audience.

When Antoine plucked the string on my cello, he smiled for the first time. "Now I can hear," he confided. I taught him how to pluck Twinkle Twinkle, and I was surprised at how quick a learner he was. After getting it on the second try, he wanted to play it with the bow. "This is so hard!" he said, as he pulled the bow across the strings with a smile on his face. But he still managed to get most of it out.

I showed him how to make seagull sounds on the cello (sliding down the A string with fake harmonics) and he was thoroughly impressed. By the time twenty-five minutes were up, I was inspired by this young seven year-old boy. I went into this activity thinking that it would be enough for these kids to just pluck a few strings and for me to answer any questions they had, but I came out realizing that these kids have such admirable curiosity and a strong eagerness to learn. There is no obstacle they cannot seek to overcome. That is the power of childhood we should all try to keep within ourselves as we grow.

Antoine went back to his seat in the audience, but I caught him occasionally looking up at me during our final piece. I waved to him. And this time, he waved back.

Day 16: Concert Day

This concert was one of the most emotional and overwhelming concerts I've ever played in! I teared up in the Britten Violin Concerto and the Mussorgsky, and we all saw the tears in Maestro Robertson's eyes during the Great Gates of Kiev. Every piece we played was solid, particularly the Pictures at an Exhibition. It felt amazing when we all stood up to receive the applause from the audience - it was truly a moment of complete happiness and belonging. (Plus Samuel Adams shook my hand after we performed Radial Play, and I was completely beyond myself with joy).

Principal Cellists do not often get their hands shaken during concerts, so this was extra special!!

After the concert we had a fun party at the dining hall for dinner. There was so much carnival food - popcorn shrimp, fried clams, hot dogs, burgers, popcorn, cotton candy, sno-cones, and more. The only problem was the carnival music that they blasted throughout the hall - literally the same seven seconds of music were playing over and over again on a loop.

Our NYO-USA concert tour has officially begun! But for tomorrow, our community outreach at Carnegie Hall awaits!

Day 15: Dress Rehearsal, Photo Shoot, and More

I could post about the day's events, such as how all the sections of the orchestra had a mini photo shoot with photographer Chris Lee, or how we had our dress rehearsal in our uncomfortably sweltering concert attire, but what really made this day special was the interactions we had with Maestro Robertson and Gil Shaham.

You know the world is good when you have people like David Robertson and Gil Shaham to look up to. The impact they have on me as a musician and a person is so positive and nourishing. Gil Shaham makes the effort to have eye contact with almost everyone in the orchestra, and his constant smiling at Maestro Robertson and the orchestra is so heartwarming. Not to mention how beautiful his violin playing is!

Maestro Robertson simply inspires all of us to look at music in imaginative and creative ways - the way he describes the music through stories or metaphors are extremely convincing and often emotional.

Just to mention a few:
-The very beginning of Pictures at an Exhibition (The Promenade) is like a choir singing - the phrases we have should imitate that of a choir, complete with necessary breathing.

-The Great Gates of Kiev begins with three chords, and you should feel as if the first two chords bring you progressively closer to the great gates until the third chord brings you right in front of the gigantic doors.

And then your breath is taken away.

Day 14: Gil Shaham + Chamber Music

When Gil Shaham came through the door into the backstage area of the concert hall, many of us had to take a moment to calm down from the excitement and sheer joy at seeing him in person.

Soyeong having a fangirl moment.

Gil Shaham was so personable - his smile practically lit up the whole room. And so did his beautiful violin; The Britten Violin Concerto became complete with his sound. Throughout the piece, I could see him making eye contact with everyone and smiling up at Maestro Robertson. Although the Britten wasn't quite as together as it could have been, the rehearsal was productive and hopefully tomorrow the piece will come together perfectly.

Tonight we also had a casual chamber concert, organized flawlessly by our apprentice orchestra manager Josh. People had been rehearsing chamber pieces for the past two weeks of residency, and although it wasn't quite enough time, all the groups sounded amazing. I had performed in two groups myself - one was a quasi-impromptu string chamber ensemble, performing Mozart's Divertimento, and the other was Brahms' String Sextet. It was overall so much fun to play in small groups.

I was particularly blown away by a beautiful marimba duet performed by percussionists Tyler Cunningham and Aaron Grisez. It seemed as if I was swimming underwater with beautiful fish and lots of bubbles:

Music and imagination combined with one another is so magical.

Next day is our dress rehearsal! Can't believe the concert is on Sunday!

Day 13: This Day Was One of the Best Days Ever

The title of this post says it all. Today we had THE best rehearsals ever, in my opinion. David Robertson has a way of explaining certain passages through metaphors, anecdotes, images, etc. that simply resonate with all of us and produce immediate results.

While we were rehearsing the Great Gates of Kiev from Pictures at an Exhibition, Maestro Robertson told us a story about his mother that brought tears to my eyes (and to many other people's eyes as well). I was trying so hard to keep my tears unnoticeable only to find out during break that all of us were tearing up since we were so emotionally struck by his story.

Tears often make one very self-conscious.

And wow! Immediately after hearing that story, we played again and the effect was breathtaking. All of us poured our hearts into the music. The last few minutes of the Great Gates of Kiev were so emotional and grand with the majestic ring of the bass chime, the rumble of the timpani, and the full bows from the strings. Soyeong (the concertmistress and my lovely roommate) and I were exchanging looks of complete awe after we finished with that final chord.

Our minds are blown by the sheer quality of the music.

And tomorrow....our minds will be blown again by amazing violinist Gil Shaham!!!!!!

Day 12 + 13: From the Top and more

Wednesday was our live taping on From the Top! It was incredible, working with all the From the Top staff. They undergo such a creative process to put on the show, and overall it was so much fun to be a part of:

It's almost as if From the Top staff have an endless supply of jokes to engage everyone and make them laugh.

The From the Top show was essentially NYO-USA's very first performance, which included the world premiere of Samuel Adams' Radial Play. We got all dressed up in our red pants, white shirts, black ties/kerchiefs, and sneakers. But of course, with every uniform comes a few problems:

Square knots are harder than you may think.

The performance went extremely well. Silvio played a beautiful clarinet solo and three NYO-USA members also performed a riveting Fauré Piano Quartet with From the Top host Chris O'Riley. We played our three orchestral pieces, and after the concert, all of us had a good time at an ice cream social set-up by our awesome NYO staff.

The next day was the second component of our From the Top experience: the Arts Leadership Orientation! Here, we talked about all sorts of issues, such as what it meant to be a 20th Century musician, or how we can engage audiences. It was so amazing seeing everyone speak out and voice their opinions. The whole orientation really went so far to show that all of us can not only play great music, but can also communicate our ideas aloud really well, like so:

As seen at one of the leadership orientation tables

(But of course we talked about many other deeper issues other than candy.)

NYO Section Videos are Now Live!

Check out all the awesome videos from each section in NYO-USA!

Here is the link: NYO-USA Video Projects

Day 11: David Robertson

Today's morning rehearsal was our last rehearsal with Maestro Ross, Maestro Lee Mills (the assistant conductor), and Samuel Adams. They worked so hard to prepare us on this last day by giving us multiple perspectives on the music and making us undergo new ways of playing and listening to one another. At the end of the rehearsal, everyone scrambled to take pictures with them and I was so sad whenever I thought of not having another rehearsal with Maestro Ross.

But today we met Maestro David Robertson for the first time and went through the Bernstein, Samuel Adams, and Porgy and Bess with him! He was such a friendly heartwarming person with so much wisdom to offer to the orchestra. We all immediately liked him, and I noticed that the orchestra underwent a very noticeable change:

Maestro Robertson gave us a lot of his special insight, particularly for the Bernstein. He spoke about how we had a teenage spirit that no other orchestra he had worked with had, and that we could relate to the rebellious nature of the characters in the music a lot better.

He also spoke about how every performance is different -- and that his most favorite thing about orchestra was the spontaneous music-making that was going on. During rehearsals, one person might play one thing differently and affect the entire orchestra, often offering a new and fresh perspective on the music.

While all this amazing information was being shared, we also prepared for our From the Top taping that occurs tomorrow! It was so good seeing all the staff again and I am so excited for our performance!

Day 10: Imagination Abound

Today we went through our first run-through of the program during rehearsal. Sitting in the orchestra and hearing a piece in its entirety lent room for great imagination, and during the end of the Britten Violin Concerto, I felt myself transported into outer space and into a scene very similar to what I had imagined from reading The Little Prince:

The Britten gives a sense that you are one almost meaningless individual in a large and often melancholy universe

The Britten is so mystical and introspective, and I cannot help but believe that this piece was written for the musicians rather than an audience. As musicians, we notice little sections and develop such deep connections with the music. As a result, the entire piece speaks to us musicians in so many wonderful and emotional ways, whereas it's difficult for a typical audience member to become attached to the piece in a single performance.

Today we also attended two fantastic workshops. One was on community involvement, where we discussed ways of reaching out to a different community with our music and engaging audiences. This was a great way for us to spread ideas around, share our thoughts, and learn more about each other as people. The second workshop was on music and movement, and we went through several intriguing exercises that involved eye closing, sculpting, moving around to music, etc.

Tomorrow is our first rehearsal with David Robertson!